amythestgirl

Release

2009-12-10T14:10:00Z

Sharp
Glinting
Shiney
Silver
Stabbing
Slicing
Pain
Blood
Trickling
Comfort
Relief

...Release...

That's what I need right now...a release...in desperate need of one...its getting to the point where I don't trust myself around sharp objects...in the bathroom, in my room, in the kitchen...in the bedroom I just keep staring at these shiney sharp pair of scissors...begging me to do one little cut, just one is all I need...for release, comfort, no one will ever know...

hiding emotions

2009-12-02T08:14:57Z

its what i'm good...hiding my true emotions...nobody will ever truly ever know how I feel...i can never put it into words...that and i don't really want to, its nobody's business except mine! so you can all go get stuffed and Póg mo thóin!

sometimes i wish i could have more freedom...it sucks when I complain about it, and the parents say well you never ask to go anywhere...by the way...it doesn't count that they'd say no anyway...their point is I don't ask...why would i ask when i know the answer? it doesn't make sense....but I suppose Ni lia duine na tuairim.

sometimes people just piss me off...for no reason other than they are pissing me off...which sounds bad...but is true...there is one person imperticular that does...frequently...just all the time, always trying to talk to me, always wanting to do something...what if i don't want to do anything! what if i don't want to talk!...actually now that i think of it...there are 2 people that do that...frequently...annoying the crap out of me.

need somebody...and not just a friend...and i think i need someone quickly...

...life...

2009-11-29T14:16:17Z

apologies to all my non-existent readers, as i have previously said, I am dreadful at keeping this thing going...but you non-existent readers should be used to it by now.

well year 11 is done, now for the big scary year 12...and it turns out that i'm not doing chemistry but instead psych...yes i know i complained about psych, but i'd rather shoot myself in the foot than do VCE Chemistry, to bad i couldn't work that out earlier huh? I think i've done ok in my exams...except Chem...i'm pretty happy with myself for this past year maintaining a GPA of over 4.0 for almost the whole year for each subject...except chem...all my other subj's are the same, i'm just dropping one...Chem...could you guess?

personal life you ask? yeah...still non-existent, much like you readers ;-) No boyfriend, no friends I feel I can truely trust...and I know if any of them ever reads this it will hurt them, but it's true...i have no idea who i can trust, nobody truely understands me, or understands the way I feel...i mean how can they if I can't? I'm also responsible for doing something stupid...meaning not handle a particular situation well...situation i won't get into...but it's pretty much resolved now...not completely (i personally don't think it ever will)...but it seems close...i'm just never sure when i'm treading on a line or not anymore...did I tell you I almost took a pair of scissors to my wrist? then realised summer was coming up and that was to obvious...so decided on my hip...I couldn't do it...I placed the scissors there, not to kill me, just to have a reminder...a release of some sort...I even pressed firmly on the skin...but I couldn't move the damn scissors...I was gun shy (excuse the not so well put together pun) I need someone...I know that much...but who i don't know...probably doesn't help that a feel as if my parents are getting a divorce...they aren't...but it just feels that way...they aren't getting along...haven't in months...rarely is there a civilised conversation in this house at the moment...

i'll post more soon...it's rather late...and i'm rather tired...

long time, no talk

2009-08-13T14:05:33Z

long time, no talk...

ok so that could be mainly my fault, but really are we keeping count? coz nobody is actually reading this thing anywayz...

so whats new...hmmm...nothing really...been avoiding any sort of sports ball like the plague...but i'm fairly sure that reasonable...

new obsession...can you tell by my pic? yep...Gossip Girl...i have no idea what came over me but i'm addicted...and any ideas who Gossip Girl si...i've heard a few say Chuck...and I can almost believe them!!!...

school...well...the same as usually but my sub math teacher is the pain in the ass....and i'm quite sure she doesn't have a teachers degree...well almost sure anyways...

well that's all i've got for now...so in the essence of gossip girl

you know you love me,

xoxo

amythest girl

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!!!!

2009-06-01T13:47:36Z

Ok...so i'm pretty much all healed up from that stupid gosh damn concussion...then i pretty much get hit in the head with an apple....except my elbow was there to prevent that from happening....but my elbow was sore for about a day...and had a terrific bruise on it...

Well exams start tomorrow...English and Psychology...now i'm not to worried about English its just Psychology that i'm freaked about...I'm not really liking it as much as I thought I would....I thought it was going to be fun and interesting...am I sorely mistaken or what!!! But it counts for a credit in the end...so who am I to fight it!!!

I wonder how many can currently tell that i'm in a shitty mood...well...its partially true...i'm a bitter, single, teen girl...who wouldn't be a little crappy...I mean i've never had a relationship!!! and i'm six-friggin'-teen!!!! or as my friend called it sex-y-teen....which is a load of absoloute crap!....

It's probs my own fault...I mean i haven't exactly seen a guy that has sparked my interest...so i haven't exactly had a crush on anybody in a couple of years...and you know its getting bad when people ask you whether you like guys or not...I mean come on!!! of course I do...but is it my fault that I am determined to get to a certain place in my life before I settle down...not that i'm planning to...but I always said I'd finish High-school before i got in a relationship....except its getting a little depressing...it makes me wonder whether i'm going to be won of those crazy old cat ladies.....even though i'm allergic to CATS!!!!!

anywho...I better get on with my study...argh...i'll tell you how i go...

concussions........

2009-05-22T07:33:03Z

you know...i think i'm a pretty easy going person.......but when i have to pay for other peoples stupidity i get pissed....

this is what happend to me this week...i have a mild-moderate concussion that's to idiots that decided "hey lets kick a football across the road!!!" well moron i applaud you for it...really i do.....thank you so much for letting my attendence slip...for making me miss my math test...and my psych SAC...thank you soooooo much you friggin' asshole!!!!!!!

ok that is my rant....

anyway...i have exams in a bout a week....which is nerve racking...but i should be ok....it can't be that hard....and if the draft timetable stays like it is i get the second week off....YAAAHOOOOOOOOO!!!! which should be a good recovery time!!!!

until next time me dear friends....that don't really read this blog!!!

sore and painful

2009-03-20T11:22:06Z

i'm sore...and i'm in pain...story of my life,lol.

well today i got my learners permit!!! yay!!!!!!!

i can't wait until i can actually drive, it will be soooo good, only problem is that i'm not allowed to drive until i have driving lessons with a driving school, which will hopefully happen quickly...i want to be out on the road!!!! lol.

school is good, i'm in the top half of all my classes and the top of my health and human development class, which i'm really happy about.

I also had a little cousin born last week, she is adorable.

anyways...i'm really tired and should be going to bed....lets see how that goes,lol.

Love Stinks

2009-03-09T12:06:13Z

ok...so this may sound pathetic, but what hope does a girl like me have of getting a date...or a boyfriend...or even for the Debutante Ball that i have this year. Its crap!

My subjects English (because you have to), General Math, Biology, Chemistry, Health and Human Development and Psychology.

I mean seriously! What guy is going to want to go out with somebody like me, I lack confidence and it is quite evident as i have been told that i care to much about what people think, but people decide your future, if somebody doesn't like you that could destroy everything you strive for.

I hate this!!! i wish that it was possible to just decide your future and it happens, but then, it wouldn't be life would it?

It sometimes makes me think that the quote from the movie "Twilight" (yes i'm one of those people) is true... "death is peaceful - easy, life is harder".

it makes you think doesn't it? how much eaiser life would be if life...itself didn't excist.

We can decide what we want, but we can't assure that it will happen, we can try as hard as we like for it to happen....but it doesn't mean it will, and that totally sucks!

Love Stinks! because i haven't experienced it...and i doubt i ever will....

horrible

2009-03-01T09:05:21Z

well i've worked out i'm offically horrible at these damn blogs!

well Year 11 is good so far, changed schools, because i needed the subjects. Lets see i'm doing, English, General Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Health and Human Development and Psychology.

All classes are good so far, except psychology is boring me sensless!!!! whatever made me think i'd enjoy it needs to be shot! well this far anyway.

I have 3 SAC's coming up this week, Health and Human Development, English and Psychology, all evenly spread out to believe it or not. I'm not looking forward to Psychology though, its so boring i don't think i've learned anything, which is a horrible thing to say mind you!

i'm also in desperate need of a personal life!!! No boy is interested in me so there goes the idea of a boyfriend...everytime i try to do something i end up sick! which sucks completely!

well i best be off, study to do and all that jazz.

long time

2008-06-12T11:17:24Z

ok so its been ages since i wrote one of these things.

I'm no longer sick everyother week (just once a month) and i'm now in year 10 and half way through.

I've moved on from ER (thanks to Channel 9 who no longer shows it) and gone to Grey's Anatomy.

I love everything by Nicholas Sparks and Love Twilight.

I dunno what else you want me to say.

if ya wanna talk send me a msg! :D

Why me?

2007-05-09T03:49:54Z

Ok I'll admit it, I'm sick!

I have been sick for almost 2 weeks now, and part of that time I have spent in hospital!!!!

I"m miserable.

I need help!

About My Self and What I'm Going Through

2007-04-25T09:24:20Z

I'm guessing I should keep this like a journal.

Today is ANZAC day, for those of you who don't know ANZAC stands for Australian New Zealand Army Corp.

It is a day of remembrance, a day to think of what those men went through to keep our country free from war so we could have the chance of freedom, something a lot of people don't have.

about myself, well...

Name: Sorry won't give that out
Age: Nope not that either, but i'll tell you I was born on the 9th of February.
Country: Australia
State: Victoria
City: Suburbs of Melbourne.

You're probably wondering why I said what I'm going through, well the truth of the matter is they don't know what I'm going through, but I should find out on the 21st of May.

About 4 weeks ago, we had a athletics Carnival at school. I was told that I had to run 4x100m relay, which would have been ok if I hadn't of injured my ankle about 6months ago and was still in recovery.

I went for a casual run and injured my ankle, again. The problem is I have NO memory rolling, twisting or jolting it, it just came on as a slow, intense pain. Which is what happened last year at Cross-Country.

I went to my doctors, 2 weeks 2 times a week I had to have physio, My physio said "It would be a good idea to go back to your surgeon" and before you ask, no I didn't have surgery last year.

My surgeon has now booked me in for a MRI @ 7am, on the 14th of May, I have to be at the hospital by 6:45am, which I'm not happy about, I'm a night owl, not a morning bird.

I then have another surgeons appointment on the 21st of May (a week later) to find out the results.

Last time we were able to say there wasn't a possibility for surgery, this time...only God knows!